This is not my ceiling
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
