I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
