5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Pants are for mortals
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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