Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
