standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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