Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
