Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
