i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
