And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
