At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
