The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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