I feel like I'm in dance class right now
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
