I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
