im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I have post one night stand depression
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
