If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
