The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
