Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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