i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
