drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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