my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i came on her dog
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
