Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize