i don't like sucking hair
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
