Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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