the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
She's not a foreskin expert like you
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
