I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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