Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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