ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
