hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
