goodnight i made you a song goodbye
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
