so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize