my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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