Im at strip club and am horny
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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