Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
