He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
