I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize