Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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