If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
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