my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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