He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Come on in and take your pants off
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