they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize