We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
