no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize