you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
