I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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