Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
