His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
