So drunk, too bad you don't want this
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
