Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
