At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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