It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
high people should be assigned attendants
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
