How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
