I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
