I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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