Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
