woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
