Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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