if i can run in heels then i can drive
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
