I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
