we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
