guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
