found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
