She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
