She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
