After last night, I could never be a politician.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
i believe in u and ur pee
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
