So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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