my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
