As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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