If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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