I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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