I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
