trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
