Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
