She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
