It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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