im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
